It’s not easy being ourselves sometimes…
especially when others don’t understand who we are or what we’re going through. It’s easy to meet someone where they are when we understand them, but much more difficult when we don’t have a clue what they’re going through. It can trigger all sorts of negative inward self and outward talk, and all because there is no seen basis of commonality.
Such was the case last night. As a gay man, I posted a short article intended to help others understand what it is like for a gay person to come out. I also included a message to those who might potentially be reading it who haven’t come out yet, offering words of encouragement and support, and a message to those who aren’t gay, and how they can best help someone who they think might be.
And then “it” hit the fan
One of my assumed friends had a hard time with this… he was triggered. He did not understand what I have gone through, nor what so many other gay people have gone through in their lifetimes. Instead of finding the commonality, he chose to try and tear me down through his comments. He was triggered so badly that he talked down to me immediately on each post, and told me numerous times, unprovoked, that if I “didn’t understand it (what he was sending to me), maybe I could have somebody read it to me.”
This, unfortunately, triggered the HELL out of me! It’s one thing if he (or anyone) has an opinion on homosexuality… they’re allowed. But it’s quite another to put me or anyone else down because they think you’re too stupid to understand something like the bible and the messages it shares. AND… that if I only read the bible and understood it, I could somehow change who I am from a rational standpoint.
This is what I mean by ‘negative outward talk’… he didn’t (and doesn’t) understand what it means to be gay, and because of this lack of understanding, he was triggered and reacted in a negative way towards the source of what he doesn’t understand. And as I said, I, unfortunately, was also triggered by what I didn’t understand… his behavior.
The opportunity appears
Here is where the transformation potential comes in… first, I needed to own the fact that whatever I feel or felt during this exchange, is MINE. It is not his. It’s not anybody else’s but mine. I am triggered. I have emotions around this. He showed me where I have emotions around this topic. And when I can fully take ownership of how I felt during the conversation, I can transform it into something that is much more supportive of growth, instead of falling into the trap of blame and condemnation.
If I were to try to work through this by myself, it might take a while. It’s REALLY hard to not want to blame or criticize someone else when you are being triggered by something they’re saying or doing. It’s so EASY to lash out at them, to try to hold them accountable for the way you feel.
To get to a place of resolve on our own, if that’s even possible, can take a REALLY long time… and it’s harder than all get out too!
My Solution
So, for me, I turn to what I have chosen to practice and teach, CCT. Using a CCT Level 2 healing session, I am able to transform MY emotions from this event, so that the next time I find myself in a similar situation (IF I find myself in a similar situation), I have learned and grown from this experience, and can act and react in a different and better way.
I am not ashamed of how I reacted in this situation… I set a clear boundary for this person, and for anyone else who chooses to talk down to me. There is nothing wrong with setting a boundary like that.
But if I don’t transform my emotional stance around it, I am doing myself a dis-service, an injustice. I’m the only person who gets to be with me day in and day out… I’m the only person who is negatively affected if I hold on to the negative feelings I felt that night. I am the only one responsible for how I feel about what happened, and I am the only one able to change those feelings.
The Lesson
This is why I’ve chosen to teach CCT… we have all been there. We are ALL triggered on a regular basis. We ALL have the opportunity to transform and grow, to take each and every situation in our lives and ask what it is teaching us.
I want to help you do this for yourself…
- I want to help you find resolve and peace from negative events and patterns that show up in your life.
- I want you to discover how easy it is to move into the flow of transformation.
- I can show you how to rise above the situations in your life, instead of staying at the same level.
- I would love to teach you the tools to avoid the painful, long process and instead heal through a fun, enlighening process.
If this resonates with you, consider learning CCT for yourself. I teach this class on a regular basis. To learn more:
- Click HERE if you are interested in learning to do this for yourself.
- Click HERE if you are interested in learning to do this for yourself AND others.
- Click HERE to see a calendar of upcoming classes.
